I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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