Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
