i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
