I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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