I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
