i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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