you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
