I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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