We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
