It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
