the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
