there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
