I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
