I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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