No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
