so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
