I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
