i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
