Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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