...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
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The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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