I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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