my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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