Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
