In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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