My room smells like vodka and shame
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
