Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
