I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
