She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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