I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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