He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
