My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
