In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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