and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
