How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
