just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Are my feet made of real feet?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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