Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think your dad took our porno
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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