he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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