I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
