Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
