Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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