Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
