Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
