Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
