I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
