So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
