2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
