So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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