i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
