i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
