seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
