just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
