so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
