and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
