we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
