Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
