Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
