and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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