I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
