She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
