He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
