wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
