You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
