He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
