I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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