I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
