my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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