I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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