apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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