she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
