i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
