Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
