i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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