Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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