just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
