it hurts more in the daytime
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
