i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
