I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
