he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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