Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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