So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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