I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
