mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Randomize
