Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
