Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
