Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
