Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
