Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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